An inspiration to us all

(This isn't really a parent column, but it is a tribute I wrote about my friend Jamie Gonzales who passed away from cancer on Oct. 14, 2008 at the age of 25.)

Life can be cruel. We all know this; yet witnessing it is something different altogether.
I had the difficulty of witnessing one of my friends slowly fade away.

Jamie Gonzales, a vibrant, funny, smart, thoughtful, caring and wonderful friend passed away last Tuesday.

She had cancer, and I knew her time would be coming soon, but I had no idea it would be this fast. Nothing, and I mean nothing, could prepare me for the blow when she finally passed away.

My heart ached when I got the call that Tuesday night telling me about her passing. I had no clue how to react.

Her wedding was planned for early next year, but her diagnosis changed and she went from being given a few more years to live to having about two more months. Because of this, she bumped her wedding up to mid-November.

I was supposed to be her bride’s maid. We were supposed to go shoe shopping for her wedding. Her bridal shower was supposed to be this past Saturday.All I could think of was that she did not get a chance to get married. She did not get to have her bridal shower.

I just kept thinking of all of the things that she wanted to do but never got a chance to, and it hurt so much to think about.

One minute I was planning her bridal shower and the next, she was gone.

Once everything started going downhill with her health, it went fast, faster than any of us could keep up with.

I had just talked to her on the phone the Monday before she passed, and she told me that her doctor told her she had less than a week left. She did not even get that.

An infection cut her time from two months to one day.

I cried a lot the next few days after she died.

I cried for all of the things she never got a chance to do. I cried for the wedding gown in her closet that she never got to use. I cried for the career that she never got to shine in. I cried for the children she would never have.

She was too young. She was just starting out her life. It just was not fair.

And I hate to say it, but I also cried for myself. I cried because I missed her and because I knew I would never get to see her or talk to her again. No more Jamie text messages on my phone or instant messages online.

You see, my relationship with Jamie did not begin at the Citizen. We went to college together. We worked at the State Hornet, our college newspaper, together. We graduated together. We had the same friends.

Eventually, I stopped wallowing in my own pity and thought of Jamie, who throughout all of her illness, never did.

She always stayed positive. She still managed smiles and jokes. She still kept on working. She was amazing.

And just last month, as sick as she was, she still took the time to get a gift and go to Elk Grove Regional Park for my daughter’s first birthday party. That was Jamie.

Dying from cancer, Jamie would still send me messages asking how my daughter was when she was sick.

Jamie was always so thoughtful of other people. Her first day back at the Citizen office, after being out for her illness and undergoing Chemo therapy, she bought me coffee.

She still thought of me.

Self-absorbed is a word that could never describe Jamie. She never expected anybody to treat her different. All she wanted was the love and company of her fiancé, friends and family.

There are so many stories I could go on about that show how Jamie was just a fantastic friend.
And so now, I have tried to focus on the positive. I have stopped thinking about everything Jamie could not do, and instead, think about everything she was.

Jamie never cared what other people thought. She never felt the need to conform. You would never use the words trendy and Jamie in the same sentence and that is one thing we all loved about her.

She was who she wanted to be. While all the girls in college were wearing low rise jeans and little tank tops, Jamie was perfectly content wearing her regular jeans and a NASCAR T-shirt.

One huge comfort for me has been to reminisce about all of the special memories of Jamie with our wonderful network of friends from the Hornet.

We talked about the Halloween where Jamie came to school dressed as Carrie from the horror movie and how terrifying she looked, while all of the other girls were trying to look like sexy little schoolgirls. We reminisced about her awkward soccer skills.

It may seem strange, but I know these are the things she wanted to be remembered for. She wanted to be remembered for the person she was, not as the girl who died from cancer.

All of the fun times with Jamie have had such a huge effect of so many lives. She has shown so much strength and courage during her fight against cancer.

She has touched my life in so many ways. She has humbled me and reminded me not to take anything or anyone for granted. My phone conversations have been ending with I love you much more often.

Jamie, I miss you so much. Thank you for your friendship and for all of the ways you have inspired us all. I will never forget you. I love you.